Miscellaneous Ideas and Helpful Hints

Anniversaries

Check out the List of Wedding Anniversary Symbols (ex. 25th anniversary is the silver anniversary).

Announcements

Announcing your engagement is simply a matter of telling your friends and family that the two of you have made a decision to be married and you'd like them to share in your happiness. First, announce the news to each set of parents, in person, with both you and your fiance present. If this isn't possible, a phone call when both of you are present is okay. The next step is to arrange a time for all the parents to meet, especially if they don't already know each other. Keep the wedding planning discussions light at this first meeting (discuss potential dates, formal or informal, # of guests, etc.). You may also want to have engagement portraits taken to give to the parents.

Engagement pictures can also be used to spread the word to everyone by posting the announcement in the newspaper. Your local paper has forms to fill out and submit with your engagement photograph. (They often say black and white only, but color will work just fine.) This photo can be of either just the bride or the both of you (or you can omit the photograph altogether to save $). The published announcement may be made by one or both sets of parents, or be announced by the two of you. For reasons of security, it may be best not to print details such as the exact wedding date, ceremony and reception locations, or addresses of you and your families. Some couples opt to put a wedding announcement in the paper the weekend of the wedding rather than an engagement announcement. Some couples do both and some do neither -- it's a matter of personal and family preference. These announcements may include a picture of the bride, a picture of the couple, or no picture at all.

Birdseed Roses

This is an alternative way of throwing birdseed at the bride and groom. Totally different alternatives are throwing dried rose petals or blowing bubbles at the couple (see section on bubbles below). Another idea is for each guest to release helium-filled balloons into the air as you drive off after the reception. Or to be real adventurous, release doves into the air!

To make your own birdseed roses (they cost $1.50 - $2.50 each in the wedding industry), buy McCall's pattern 6969 or make them with the following directions. Most wedding coordinators suggest only buying/making enough birdseed roses for 75% of your guests since many usually leave the reception early (if this is to take place after the reception).
1. Purchase the following items: satin in your wedding colors (or other any desired color) -- 4"x4"/rose; green floral wire with a diameter the size of a flower stem -- 9"/rose; green floral tape -- 10"-12"/rose; green silk leaf (optional) -- 1-2/rose.
2. Cut the satin into strips 4" wide. Sew the strips into tubes, allowing for about a 1/4" seam allowance so they won't come apart later.
3. Cut the sewn tubes into 4" sections (these are your roses).
4. Cut the floral wire into 9" pieces and floral tape into 10"-12" pieces. Insert one end into the end of each rose. Holding the satin rose against the wire, wrap the floral tape around this rose base several times to secure it to the floral wire.
5. Next, hold the stem of a silk leaf against the wire and secure it to the wire by wrapping the floral tape around it.
6. Continue wrapping the floral tape around the wire until you reach the bottom. Although the wire is green, this makes the rose stem look more uniform.
7. A few days prior to the wedding, pour a small amount of bird seed into each rose (fill until 1/3-1/2 full). Then fold the remaining material at the top of the rose (should be about 1") down into the tube to hold in the seed.
8. To hand out the seed you need to put it in something that will ensure the birdseed won't easily fall out of your roses. One way to do this is to place them in a basket, one on top of another. Or get some florist foam and place it in the bottom of the basket; insert the roses into the foam just as a florist would do.

Bouquet Toss

This tradition of tossing your bouquet to the bachelorettes present at your wedding is often omitted today for various reasons. Review the guest list; if there will be a very small number of unmarried men and women at the wedding, you may want to consider eliminating this tradition. An alternative is to have a scatter bouquet (also called a starburst bouquest) which is actually several small bouquets tied together. Remove the ribbon/wire holding them altogether and toss them into the crowd, which could consist of either just bachelorettes or all women. Another nice gesture is to present your bouquet to a special friend or relative, or to an engaged guest who is the next person at your wedding who will be married.

Bubbles

A rather new alternative to throwing birdseed at the bride and groom as they exit the reception is to blow bubbles at them. Make sure you get bubbles specifically made for wedding purposes since these don't contain dyes found in ordinary bubbles (whose dyes will stain clothing such as satin dresses). One source for these wedding bubbles is MG Novelty/Dillon Importing. Their phone # is 1-800-654-3696 (or 405-948-1234). The wedding bubbles are in little plain white bottles (with a wand attached to the cap) and cost $5.50 per box of 24 (plus shipping). They have snap-off caps and each bottle has 0.6 oz of bubble solution. They are offered as plain white bottles, church-shaped bottles, and white bottles with a little plastic dove on the lid. Visit Robyn and Todd's In Defense of Wedding Bubbles site for more info on wedding bubbles.

Cake

Here are a few tips about wedding cakes:

Cake should be baked 1-2 days prior to the reception
Make sure the baker brings a repair kit
Put your cake in a corner away from the rest of the activity so that it does not get bumped and fall over
Use fresh flowers or traditional cake toppers as decoration on the top of your cake
During the cutting of the cake, the bride holds the knife in her right hand and the groom's hand closes over top of the bride's -- then together the couple cuts the first slice
Freezing the top layer of your wedding cake: The tradition originates from the thought that if a cake can last a year, the marriage is bound to be a long one. And indeed, your cake, if frozen correctly, can last a year and taste as good as the day it was baked. Put the cake in 3 freezer bags, one on top of the other, and place in the freezer. A few days before your anniversary, put the cake in the refrigerator to thaw. An hour or so before you serve it, take it out of the refrigerator.
The groom's cake is usually a gift from the bride to the groom. It is traditionally a dark cake (traditionally fruitcake but mostly chocolate now) which can be either a separate cake or a layer of the bride's cake. When it is a separate cake, they are often made to some theme (like in the shape of his college mascot or a basketball if he played basketball, etc.).

Visit The Wedding Cake page for information on wedding cakes and the origin of the tradition.

Centerpieces

We're using small lined baskets with fresh spring flowers planted in them as our table centerpieces for the reception. They're simple to make, relatively inexpensive and beautiful. Our other ideas were floating candles or floating flowers in clear shallow bowls with ivy spread around the bowls. Another cute idea is to have framed photographs of the bride and groom at different stages in their lives/relationship (from baby pictures to dating pictures to the present day) on each table. Check out more Ideas on Centerpieces or check out the list of Centerpiece Ideas compiled by Josie McCrary Morgan.

Ceremony Locations

Other than churches, there are many possible locations to hold your wedding ceremony and reception. Ideas might be:

beach

bed and breakfast establishment

community center

country club

garden

hotel hall

house

mansion

museum

park

resort

winery

For other ideas on ceremony locations, visit the Wedding Ceremonies in Ottawa site.

Clipart

One source of wedding-related clipart for programs or invitations is the CD-Rom by Softket Software called Clipmasterpro (5001 images). Their address is:
Softkey Software Produts of Florida Inc.
4800 North Federal Highway
3rd Floor Building D
Baco Raton FL 33431
Sales (407) 367-0005
Fax (407)367-1611
Tech (407) 367-1415

Also check out Kelly's Romantic Gestures, Barry's Clip Art Server, or FreeArt by Harlan Wallach for Victorian clipart.

Computer Planning Programs

There are several computer wedding planning programs out on the market to help with all the plans.

PC programs are:

Bride's Mate
Bridesmaid for Windows by Simply Software
The Complete Wedding Workshop (heard both good and bad opinions)
Emily Post's Complete Guide to Weddings (heard both good and bad opinions)
I Do, The Ultimate Wedding Planner by TouchSoft; $39.95
My Wedding Companion by Five Star Software; $49.95 (I heard this one was fabulous and even useful for other purposes!); (904)777-2749
Smart -N- Easy Wedding Planner 4.0 by Automated Systems; $29.95 shareware (via ftp)
Wedding Organizer by Dennis Vogel; $24, Win95 and Win3.1 only
The Wedding Planner by Ninga Software Corp.; $49.95
The Wedding Planner v1.1 by Young Technology; $25 shareware (via ftp)
Weddings Made Easy; $49.95
Wedding Workshop (heard both good and bad opinions)

Mac Programs are:

The Wedding Planner; 1-800-474-0140,$27.95
Our Wedding (via ftp)

For more software resources, visit the list compiled by I Thee Web.

Count Down to the Big Day!

Some couples count down the days until their wedding day in various special ways. An item is removed from the count down links or a task is completed each day until the wedding day. Suggestions are:

Hershey's Kisses
Links made of construction paper, with or without messages on them (like "I love you because ...")
Email/letters/sticky notes of the "Top 100 Reasons to Get Married" or the "Top 100 Reasons Why I Love You"
Valentine's candies (those little hearts)
Making a puzzle for your fiance and then giving him/her one piece each day until the last day when they get the last piece
Write down on sheets of paper a different activity to do (these can be made into links if desired). Pick a piece of paper everyday and do that activity (ex. have a picnic, go out to dinner, rent/go to a movie, play a game, work out together, order a pizza, go to a park, go dancing, etc.)

Dances

The sooner you have your first dance, the sooner guests will start dancing and the sooner the party will start. There are dozens of popular line dances commonly done at wedding receptions. Here are a few ideas of dances with themes to get everyone involved! If you have suggestions for other dances, let me know!

"The Generations Dance" 1) The Bride & Groom are called up to the dance floor and all the married couples attending the reception are called up to join them for a slow dance or waltz. 2) At the end of the slow song/waltz, all couples are asked to remain on the dance floor for a second song unless they've been married less than 10 years. The couples married less than 10 years are asked to "take a break" from the dance floor leaving couples married at least 10 years to start the next song. About 30 seconds or so into the 2nd song, couples married less than 15 years are asked to "take a break" from the dance floor...then 20 years ... 25 years ... 30 years ... etc. until one couple (or a few couples if there is a tie) are left on the dance floor having been the couple(s) married the longest. 3) At the end of this song, the MC/DJ/band asks the couple(s) to introduce themselves. Each couple is asked to offer the bride & groom any words of advice to help them make their marriage as strong as their own, or to tell them their secret to a long and happy marriage. After the couple responds, a 3rd song is introduced as a dedication to the couple(s) married the longest and the bride & groom are invited back to the dance floor to join them (in a usually upbeat song). Then everyone is invited back to the dance floor to continue the celebration!

"Circle Dance" Couples are called up to the dance floor and asked to form a circle with the women on the inside of the circle facing their male partners on the outside. Inform the couples that when the song changes, the men (or women) are to move 1 (or 2 or 3) partners to the right (or left). Mix it up with the men/women on the inside of the circle along with the men/women switching partners and the number of partners to move to the right/left. The dance should end when you end up with your original partner and the music should be upbeat.

"Snowball Dance" This dance starts out with just one couple dancing. After about 30 seconds, they seperate and each person picks up another partner. After another 30 seconds, the two couples split and so on, eventually picking up an entire dance floor full of people. This can start with the whole bridal party dancing, and then 'snowball' from there as well.

"Money Dance" The guests give the bride/groom some cash for their honeymoon for the privilege of dancing with them for a minute or two. Instead of money, the guests could give personalized notes (which could be at each place setting for the guests to write on) for a dance with the bride/groom.

Date of the Wedding

When choosing your wedding date consider other major family events and holidays. Keep in mind that having a wedding on a holiday weekend has both pros and cons. Sunday weddings are usually easier to secure on short planning (i.e. less popular so easier to find photographers, etc.). Be sure your clergy will perform a Sunday wedding first if this is what you are thinking of doing. Keep in mind that many popular reception facilities and wedding services are booked up to 18 months on advance, especially for Saturday weddings, or May/September weddings.

Environmental Friendly Wedding Ideas

from Denise Castellucci (Deni@ibar.com) reprinted with her permission:

Use bubbles instead of rice at the reception
Use potted plants instead of cut flowers in your church and reception arrangements; either buy them and give them away later or rent them
In lieu of gifts, a contribution to a local environmental organization, or request gift certificates instead (avoids wasted wrapping paper/cardboard boxes)
Use only recycled paper on invitations
Donate leftover food to a local homeless shelter or food bank
Instead of cut flowers for boutineers and corsages, buy lapel pins or brooches with ribbons/lace which also double as gifts; many pins can be bought that have a portion of their purchase price going towards good causes/organizations
Ask the site if you can plant a tree as part of your ceremony. Instead of a bouquet, you can carry a seedling wrapped in white ribbon. You can do a simple bread and wine ceremony to celebrate community and the gifts of the earth. Your bridesmaids can carry decorated baskets with bread and wine instead of bouquets.
Go to a vintage bridal store or used bridal dress store for your gown.
Have bridesmaids wear dresses and shoes that they would want to wear again
Have a gown that can be altered to be worn again or if you want a formal gown you can rent or buy one from a vintage dress store and sell it back.
Have a mixed bridal shower and backelor/bachelorette party and volunteer at a homeless shelter or food bank, cleaning a nearby beach or park, etc. Not only will you have fun together, but everyone will feel good about themselves and help others. This also avoids the trappings of traditional showers and bachelor/bachelorette parties.
Avoid serving beef or chicken at your reception, since they impact the earth.
Find a caterer that uses produce from organic farms.
Whenever possible use small local businesses, who have a stake in the community where they do business.
Buy your rings at an antique store that specializes in estate jewelry. Not only will you be buying something that is handcrafted, unique, and has a history, but it is a form of recycling.
Integrate your love and commitment with the earth into your wedding ceremony and your vows, readings, and music.
Getaway vehicles: decorated mountain bikes, pedicab, motorcycle.
Recruit a cleanup crew among your friends, to make sure you leave only footprints.

Glass Clinking

At some weddings the guests may clink their drinking glasses to try to get the bride and groom to kiss at the reception. Some couples oblige, while others dislike the custom and try to impose a different kissing tradition. Other ideas to get the bride and groom to kiss are:

Have the guest tell a story about one or both of the newlyweds
Have the guest demonstrate how to kiss with his/her date
Oblige them with a kiss, but make it really long and the the guests will quickly end the clinking tradition for the day
Have the guest sing a song with the word "love" in it (or some other chosen word)

If you don't want your guests clinking their glasses every five minutes, use plastic glasses.

Guest Book Ideas

An alternative to the typical lined guest book is an unlined book to allow the guests to be more creative and maybe write the couple a little note. To get this idea across, put a poem in the front like this:

Your presence is precious, we're glad you've come
But there is a catch (you knew there'd be one)
Now before you head off in disgust or disdain
Just give us a moment and let us explain...

This is our guest book which as you can see
Has pages laid bare, left blank, and empty
So adopt a clean page, or maybe a pair
Write something special with style and flair
Fill it with words for the bride and the groom
Only then can you sign it, there's plenty of room!

Guest Favor Ideas

(taken from a post by an unknown contributor and selene (selene@eskimo.com, reprinted with permission) on one of the wedding newsgroups:) "The idea behind favors is to give your guests a token of your esteem for them. For most of us, however, it's financially impossible to provide something that would be appropriate and welcomed and cherished by everyone. Certainly, favors aren't *required* at a wedding! Try to do something that has meaning to you or your friends. Don't give out matchbooks with your name on them if no one smokes or uses candles. Don't give out Jordan almonds, unless you are very traditional or actually like them. Browse around in large bulk craft stores and see if anything strikes your fancy. Is there an ethnic tradition in your background you can work with? Or perhaps you like herbs and want to work with their meanings. Is there a holiday near your wedding you can work with? Are you having a theme in the wedding to follow with? Is there a particular craft you are known for? Are you a chocoholic? (There's a cute little poem for putting chocolate kisses in plastic spoons wrapped with a bit of tulle - these couldn't be very expensive to make.) Other things I've seen or heard of: blown glass birdbath tied with ribbon in bridal colors (very fancy wedding), book marks, tiny baskets filled with nuts and decorated with ribbons, flower seed packets, refrigerator magnets that go with your theme, small pots of flowers, tree seedlings, gold fish, little boxes of fancy chocolates, little B&G colored white chocolates...Tiny little bells with ribbons tied on in your colors and a little piece of paper with your names and date might be inexpensive (depends on the bells - sometimes they are available quite cheaply from bead shops, too). Today wedding momentos are often given to the guests either as they enter or leave the reception or above each dinner plate."

Here's a bunch of ideas that I personally like:

Baskets/sachets of potpourri
Dover Thrift books or other mini-books -- These can be quite cheap (the Dover Thrift books are $1/each). On the inside cover include a message such as "From the Wedding of ..."). Tie them with a ribbon and leave them in the middle of each table so that people can pick the ones they like.
Personalized fortune cookies! Look in your local yellow pages under "Cookies" for sources in your area. One couple is getting 600 cookies with 9 different fortunes for only $45 (Canadian)! Their source is Top Value Food Products Ltd., 575 East Cordova, Vancouver, B.C.; (604) 253-4558. Sources in the US are:
- Short Order Fortune Cookie Company in Seattle - plain and chocolate-dipped; choose up to 15 different messages; they do mail order; phone (206) 641-3644.
- Fortunately Yours, 495 Vista Drive, Gahanna, Ohio 43230. 1-800-337-1889; Prices are 100 @$50, 200 @$90, 300 @$120, 500 @$175, 1000 @ $250 and so on...... Only one message, each additional message is $10 per quantity.You can have different flavors like traditional vanilla, chocolate, stawberry and green mint
- Fortune in Ideas, Fremont, Californa. 846-6654; Only quantity they listed was 100 @ $40, but sure you can order more. Additional message is $5.00 per message; only one flavor.
Seed packets with couples' names, date, and a statement such as "Please plant these to celebrate our new beginnings" on them.
Send photos with your thank-you notes as favors! Get duplicate photos made from your disposable camera pictures or pictures friends/family take for a very personal wedding favor!

Check out a more complete listing of reception favor ideas for a compilation of ideas from posts on the wedding newsgroups. Also take a look at a compiled List of Favors for a Bridal Shower.

Host/Hostess

These people stand by the door and greet the guests as they arrive for the wedding ceremony and/or as they arrive for the reception. This is a nice idea because the hostesses are able to converse with people they haven't seen in a while and are also able to make introductions between the families of the bride and groom. It also helps in telling people where to go (i.e. "The reception is in the room to your left"). They also make sure the caterers and band have everything ready when they're supposed to!

Invitations

They should be sent out 6-8 weeks before the wedding day and make the response deadline 3-4 weeks before the wedding. If you want to make your own, some sources for various types of paper are:

Queblo,1000 Florida Avenue, Hagerstwon, MD 21741; 1-800-523-9080
Paper Direct, 100 Plaze Drive, Secaucus, NJ 07094-3606; 1-800-APAPER (800-272-7377)

Check out this list of mail-order invitation sources. For tips on dealing with kids at weddings, look at the Planning a Child-Friendly Wedding or Planning a Childfree Wedding web sites. Don't forget to include the price of stamps for the invitations in your budget (one to three per invitation).

Licenses

Laws regarding marriage licenses vary from state to state. Usually they are obtained from the Clerk of the Circuit Court. Both the bride and groom must be present to apply (as far as I know) and each will be required to show identification such as a driver's license. You will also need to know the complete, full names of both parents, including the mothers' maiden names. Things to find out before heading down to your nearest court are:

"Does it matter from which court I obtain my license?" Some states may require you to get the license in the city or county where either the bride or groom resides.
"Are there any age limitations?"
"Are blood tests or physical examinations required?"
"How much does the license cost?" Typical costs are around $30-$40.
"Is there a waiting period?"
"Must I bring any witnesses?"
"Is there an expiration time on the license?"

If you know any other requirements others should ask about, please email me.

Makeup Suggestions

Choose a lipstick that won't come off when you kiss everyone. Suggestions are ...
- Alexandra de Markoff lipstick
- All-Day lipstick by Estee Lauder
- COLORSTAY lipstick by Revlon
- Merle Norman lipstick
Use something such as Nailtiques or Revivanail to strengthen nails. It costs about $15.00 (for nail strengthener, nail oil, and nail conditioning cream)
French or American manicures look especially nice. Try it with the usual white tips covered by a soft pink color such as Revlon's 'Pink Nude'

Maps for Invitations

It is very helpful to include a map in the wedding invitations (and one in the rehearsal dinner invitations) to ensure that the guests know where to locate the hotel, ceremony site, and reception site (and rehearsal dinner site). Suggested methods/sources on making a map are:

MapQuest! and/or MapBlast! are web sites that allow you to locate detailed maps, generate html code of a map to put in your web page, or email a map to someone. They only let you highlight one location at a time however.
Street Atlas CD by DeLorme for about $80 -- it has every street (regardless of size) in the US. Copy the areas you need and label them as you like in a drawing program
VISIO by Broderbund Software -- drag and drop street icons, corner icons, street signs, church icons, etc. to create your own map
Make your own using pencil and paper or your favorite drawing program, or scan and edit an existing map of the area to suit your needs

Minister

The officiant usually gets between $50.00 - $150.00 (based on my experience in Virginia, USA, and for a church in which you belong).

Name Change

Some brides choose not to change their last name, but if you do here is a list of places with whom you should change your name:

auto registration
bank accounts
credit cards
doctor/dental records
driver's license
employment records
insurance policies
memberships
social security (here's the SS-5 card application)

Let me know if you think of any others I forgot!!

Out-of-Town Guest Baskets

It's a nice idea to leave a basket of goodies for each out-of-town guest at the reception desk of the hotel. You might want to write to your chamber of commerce and ask for local literature (restaurants, museums, regional sightseeing guides, etc.). Write to restaurants in the area explaining how many out-of-towners will be visiting -- ask for discounts, brochures, etc. Items to put in the baskets might be:

Breath mints, gum
Coupon book from the local tourist office
Coupon for 15% off rental car
Deck of trivia/playing cards
Fast food/video rental gift certificates
$5 prepaid phone card for local and long distance calls
Itinerary list as a reminder
Map of the area with directions to the church/reception/rehearsal dinner, local "hot spots", etc.
Mini first aid kit (bandaids, ibuprofen, eye drops)
Mini sewing kit
Packets of potpurri (you can make your own or buy them)
Phone list of local friends and family as well as restaurants, amusement parks, movie theaters, etc.
Photocopy of the calander for the week from the paper, so they know what special events might be going on
Single use camera
Small change if you live near a toll road
Small snacks, chocolates
Souvenir fridge magnet and/or stamped postcards
Stationary kit (ex. 5 enevelopes, 8 sheets paper, pen, stamps)
Vase with flower(s)
Welcome/thank-you note

Other ideas can be found at the Gift Baskets for Out-of-Town Guests page from the soc.couples.wedding home page or from a post by Sarah Masumi Hayllar.

Pregnant Bridesmaid

If you know that one of your bridesmaids will be pregnant at the tie of your wedding, don't panic! Order the dress 1-2 sizes big and order a couple yards of extra fabric so that the front panel can be replaced if necessary. This way if she doesn't need it, you can use the extra fabric for decorations. If she won't feel comfortable in the bridemaid dress you picked, offer to let her wear another dress she owns which compliments the others.

Program of the Ceremony

Many weddings include a ceremony program so that the guests can follow the order of the ceremony. A program might contain the following:

Descriptive wording for the front page. Examples are:
- The Celebration and Blessing of the Marriage Uniting ...
- The Marriage Celebration of ...
- The Religious Ceremony Uniting in Marriage ...
- The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony Uniting ...
- The Wedding Ceremony of ...
Order of service.
- The order of the service outlines the individual segments: prelude, processional, solo, invocation, scripture reading, marriage ceremony, lighting of the unity candle, benediction, and recessional. It varies from ceremony to ceremony.
Worship notations for the guests (such as when to stand, kneel, or whatever)
List of the wedding party
Directions to reception
Married names of bride and groom and their future address and phone number
Any thank-yous (like to friends, family, attendants)
Optional: Include a little saying from each person in the wedding party about the couple
Optional: "We respectfully request no flash photos be taken during this religious ceremony."
Optional: Story of how couple met or got engaged, possibly an engagement photo

Covers for the programs can found at your local religious supply store, at your clergy/church office, or a copy center such as Kinko's. Other sources are mail-order invitation companies, or make your own!

Receiving Line

This tradition is often omitted today, with the bride and groom mingling among the guests to say hello instead. If you do decide to have a receiving line, there are three commonly used orders. They are written here with the guest walking left to right.

Traditional/Formal: Bride's Mother - Groom's Mother - Bride - Groom - Maid of Honor - Bridesmaids. (Father's and groomsmen just mingle)
Traditional/Modified: Bride's Mother - Bride's Father - Groom's Mother - Groom's Father - Bride - Groom - Maid of Honor - Bridesmaids. (Groomsmen mingle)
Semi-Formal: Bride's Mother - Bride's Father - Bride - Groom - Groom's Mother - Groom's Father. (All attendants mingle)

The wedding party lines up in one of these suggested orders and the guests walk down the line so that everyone may greet them and vice versa.

Reception

Here is the itinerary we followed for our reception. Talk to your caterer and/or wedding consultant for other ideas on how the events should be organized:

1:30 Guests arrive at reception, heavy hor'deurves ready (buffet)
2:00 Wedding party introduced following by first dance, father/bride dance,mother/groom dance
3:00 Toast by bride's dad, then groom's dad, then best man, then cake cutting
4:00 Bouquet toss/garter toss
4:45 Last dance
5:00 Leave reception

To ensure there is no smoking at your reception, try one of the following ideas:

Have the DJ/Band/MC make an announcement at the beginning of the reception and maybe one or two times during the event. Have them say, "The bride and groom thank you for not smoking at this reception."

Place a small, wonderfully looking sign in some script lettering that says "No smoking, please" by the entrance of the reception hall as guests sign in.

Put a short message at the bottom of the sheet of directions (included with the invitations) that says: "The name of venue is a non-smoking establishment. Thank you for not smoking." or "The bride and groom thank you for not smoking on the premises of the name of venue -- indoors or outdoors." (Of course you may want to not restrict outdoor smoking so your guests can at least deal with their smoking habit and not get possibly irritated.) Even if the venue allows smoking, this statement fixes your problem and no one will know the difference!

Put on the invitation: "For your enjoyment ... Smoke Free Reception."

Tell the venue/caterer NOT to put ashtrays on the tables and make sure they know not to bring them out if someone asks.

Tell your friends of your desires and maybe they'll help encourage others not to smoke.

If you are having a formal dinner and need/desire to number the tables, an alternative is to give each table a name -- a name of significance to the the bride and groom. Suggestions are places you've been together (i.e. Disney World, Central Park, etc.)

You may want to undercut your expected number of guests, especially if you are having a buffet. There will always be people who respond that they are coming and then don't make it.

Ask the caterer to make a basket of food for the bride and groom to take with them after the reception. Often they are so busy at the reception that they don't have any time to eat, or really think to eat. The basket of food will be very appreciated after the reception.

One new idea for reception (or rehearsal dinner) entertainment is a video presentation. The video is a compilation of you and your fiance's snapshots turned into a nostalgic slide show. Set the slides to some music, and include enough pictures/music for a 10 - 15 minute show. You could start with baby pictures of you both, then elementary school pictures, etc., up through the present. It's a wonderful trip down memory lane for you and your guests!

Many couples do not want to include music/dancing at the reception. Don't feel like you have to include it if you don't want to! Just talking with one another can be enough. If you feel you need to add some non-music related activities, some ideas are: video presentation, hiring a magician, medieval performing group, a comedian, or playing games.

Choosing the beverages to serve at the reception can be quite a big decision. It is a good idea to talk to both families to get an idea as to preferences. If you serve beer, determine whether serving it by the bottle or from a keg is most suitable/economical for the party. Similarly, wine can be served by the glass or you could purchase a certain number of carafes of wine to be placed on the tables. Mixed drinks are also an option, although it can be expensive. An option is a cash bar for this, although this is not too common. Champagne is traditionally used to toast the bride and groom; you could buy a round for the entire party or just the bride and groom while the others toast with other beverages. And finally, always remember to serve a few choices of non-alcoholic beverages for the little and old ones alike. Coffee is also an idea for an after-dinner drink. Keep in mind that you will usually have to pay a bartender fee (usually by the hour) as well.

Rehearsal Dinner

The rehearsal dinner occurs after the ceremony rehearsal, usually the night before the wedding. Choose a place relatively close to the church. Remember to include a fish or vegetable entree if you have a vegetarian in your party. Using placecards on each table help eliminate confusion during seating (and helps avoid problems like a friend getting separated from other friends and sitting with a bunch of the family's relatives instead).

Guests:

Fathers, mothers, siblings and their dates/spouses
Grandparents
Wedding party and their dates/spouses or parents (for young ones such as flower girls)
Person(s) who are giving readings in the ceremony
Pastor/minister and his wife
Not the organist or soloists unless they are close to the family

If you have a lot of out-of-town guests that you wish you could invite to the rehearsal dinner but can't afford to, there is a way to include them in the evening. After the dinner (at a pre-determined time), open it up to any of your out-of-town guests and provide chips, dip, etc. -- sort of an open-bar cocktail hour with munchies provided. This gives additional time for the guests to mingle and meet each other as well.

Rings

Try getting a ComfortFit band; they're rounded inside the band and a little more expensive, but well worth it! (especially for the groom who's not used to wearing rings). A wedding band/engagement ring does not have to have diamonds. Many other stones are becoming quite popular alternatives. Check out the Meanings of Various Stones.

Ring Inscription Ideas

Many people choose to have something special inscribed in the inside of each other's wedding band. Here are some ideas on inscriptions. For a long list of other "poesies" that were in rings over the past century, check out these Antique Ring Inscriptions.

a line from your vows...
Latin: Ab imo pectore (English: From the bottom of my heart)
All my love - all my life
All my love, Leslie 05/25/96
Always for Forever
Latin: Amorem meum tibi semper dabo (English: I will keep giving you my love always)
a portion of "As long as I live, my heart will never change/My choice is made, no other will do" from a poem by Dorothy Dunnet
As you wish
Be in love
Constant and true
Eternal, Leslie 5/25/96
Forever Entwined
Forever in Our Thoughts 5-25-96
Forever Thine May 25, 1996
Forevermore
From this day on...5-25-96
Grow old with me
I Will Never Love Another
In heaven, too, you will have my hand
Love N Kisses
LPF CAF May 25, 1996
One Life One Love
Greek: Oti kalon philon aiei (English: Whatsoever is beautiful is loved always)
My Best Friend May 25, 1996
My Love is Forever Yours
Never Another You
Never To Part
Over Hill Over Dale Our Love Will Never Fail
Latin: pari passu (English: side by side)
"Whither thou goest" on one ring and "I shall go" on the other
With All That I Am
With You Always LPF 5-25-96
XOXOXOXOX
You Are My Strength and My Love
You shall never walk alone
the sign for infinity

Sealing Wax

Sealing wax (for invitation seals) can be ordered from a company called Flax at the following phone #: 800-343-FLAX (3529). There's not a huge selection of signet styles, just the alphabet and a few other designs.

Sixpence for Your Shoe

This custom comes from the saying "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and a sixpence for your shoe." The bride is to include these things in her wedding attire for good luck. The 'old' represents tradition, the 'new' represents a new life, the 'borrowed' represents friendship, the 'blue' is supposed to protect the bride from evil spirits, and the 'silver sixpence' is supposed to bring prosperity and good luck. The sixpence traditionally goes in the bride's left shoe. To read more about the sixpence, visit the What Is a Sixpence? page.

Sixpences are hard to come by these days, but one source is Heritage Collections, PO Box 1626, Springdale, AR 72765. Phone orders 501-751-1822, fax orders 501-750-9910. The prices are as follows:
Sovereign sixpence (1947-1967 @ $12 each)
Silver sixpence 1946 and earlier @ $14.00
Other sources are Baje ($14), Hortense Hewitt, Lillian Rose, and Beverly Clark ($10.95).

Thank-You Notes

Thank-you notes are sent to each person who gives you an engagement, shower, or wedding gift. If you order thank-you notes with your invitations it will save you money in the long run. When addressing a thank-you note, you don't have to be as formal as with invitations (i.e. abbreviations are OK) but return address labels are out (according to all the miss-manners people)! Be sure to hand-write them and try to send them out within 3-4 weeks of receiving a gift (it's hard, but don't worry too much if it takes 2 months; they'll understand). Keep a log of gifts received and check the names off after you write a note. You don't have to send written thanks to your fiance or parents, though they might love finding a surprise note of thanks! If you receive a gift from two or three people, write a note to each person separately. For larger groups (like your co-workers for example), you can send one note to the entire group. Even if you return a gift, avoid mentioning this in your thank-you note -- simply offer your thanks.

Toasting Options (at the reception)

Usually just before or after the wedding cake is cut, toasts are made to the bride and groom. There are several ways the toast(s) can take place:

Best man
Maid/matron of honor
Parents
Bride and groom (either one after the other or mixed together, toasting the wedding party)

It is most common for the best man to give a toast, followed by the bride's father.

Toast Idea 1: "May you never remember what's best forgotten, and may you never forget what is best remembered." (This is an Irish wedding blessing.)
Toast Idea 2, from the best man: "It is an honor and privilege for me to propose a toast to the bride and groom. I have known groom's name for several years. (relate story) I remember when he first met bride's name and suddenly lost interest in (our previous activities). But seriously, groom's name is a great guy and he has found a wonderful person to marry. Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in wishing the bride and groom much success and happiness in their new lives together!"

Transportation

When planning the transportation for your wedding day, if you opt to rent a limo keep the following in mind: a corporate stretch limo may be almost identical to a luxury stretch limo except for price -- a luxury limo may have a TV, VCR, etc. which are unnecessary for a wedding day.

If you need a rental car for the honeymoon and you are under age 25, rental may be difficult or expensive. Some rental car companies do not rent to people under age 25 and most that do charge an extra fee per day just for being under 25. One company that doesn't charge an extra fee is Alamo Rental Cars if you belong to USAA (car insurance company).

Ushers

Usually one usher is needed for every 50 guests to seat the guests at the ceremony. They can wear either tuxes or suits. Be sure to give the ushers specific directions as to how to escort people to their seats, and who escorts which important family members at what times.

Videographer

In the opinion of many, there is no better way to preserve the emotions of your wedding than on video. When you visit with various videographers, view their demo tapes and discuss the style of taping and any personal points you wish to cover. Find out what types of special effects they use and decide if you want them in your video. For the ceremony taping, the fees depend on how many cameras you want. Ask your church about this first since many do not allow cameras in the front of the sanctuary -- many only allow them in the back of the church or up in the balcony. Find out if the videographer packages typically include "interviews" of some of your guests who say a few words into the camera wishing the newlyweds good luck, etc. Decide if you want this feature. (Some people decide not to do this since it may make some guests feel uncomfortable.) Once again, make sure you feel comfortable with the videographer and ensure that he knows the sacredness of the ceremony. Some videographers tend to make the ceremony into a "show" and do not respect the fact that it is a sacred time. For more information on wedding videography, take a look at the Wedding Video Guide and FAQ by Mark Goldberg. [back to the Photo Checklist.]

Vows

Many couples choose to write their own ceremony to relfect their own beliefs and feelings. There are guidelines you must follow in many religions, and some may only allow you to rewrite certain portions of the ceremony. There are five basic parts in a wedding ceremony in the United States that may be customized:

GREETING: welcomes guests, sets tone of ceremony; you might include a story about how you met, a poem or other reading as well. Example: "We are gathered here today in the presence of God and this company to join together Barbara and Jonathan in the bonds of holy matrimony..."

VOWS: declaration of intent to love, trust and honor one another no matter what happens in life; Example: "...to have and to hold...for better or for worse..."

EXCHANGING OF RINGS: exchanging of gift as symbol of the unending union of two lives; Example: "This ring I give to you as a symbol of my unending commitment to you and our union. Your dreams are now my dreams, your hopes my hopes, your fears my fears..."

BLESSINGS AND READINGS: they can really appear anywhere in the ceremony and serve as a means to further express your beliefs and feelings about marriage and each other; they are also a great way to include family members or special friends in the ceremony.

PRONOUCEMENT: declaration of your legal marriage to the guests; Example: "Because you, Barbara and Jonathan have consented together in this sacred commitment and have declared the same before God and this company of family and friends, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

One neat memory-book is one in which you write your vows. This book could also contain messages written by the bridal party on the wedding day, and messages you write to one another on each anniversary. You could also put this in a "time-capsule" and include other memorabilia from your wedding. Items might include notes left by guests at the wedding reception to the bride and groom. You can save the "time-capsule" and open it at a predetermined anniversary in the future.

Visit the Secular Humanist site for some sample wedding ceremonies. Other examples contributed by various people and reprinted with their permission are:

(posted by Collin Mc Carty)
In the name if God, I,....take you .... to be my husband/wife. It is my promise that I will seek to be there for you and for us, always: to create, to live life fully, to encourage and to share I promise that I will work with you for common goals, to walk hand in hand along the paths life will unfold for us, to create a relationship that will weather any clouds that may come our way, to communicate opemly and honelsty, and to love you faithfully, as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow.

(from the United Church of Canada)
I take you to be my husband/wife
to laugh with you in joy;
to grieve with you in sorrow;
to grow with you in love;
serving mankind in peace and hope;
as long as we both shall live.

(posted by cathy@library.nsc.com)
From this day forward, I choose you to be my partner in life;
to live with you and laugh with you,
to stand by your side and sleep in your arms;
to be joy to your heart and food to your soul;
to bring out the best in you always;
and for you, to be the most that I can.

To laugh with you in the good times;
to struggle with you in the bad;
to solace you when you are downhearted;
to wipe your tears with my hands;
to comfort you with my body;
to mirror you with my soul;
to share with you all my riches and honors;
to play with you even when ywe grow old,
and always loving you sweetly and g gladly,
as long as we both shall live.

(posted by J. Player 73503.744@CompuServe.COM)
(Name of SO), I draw you unto my very being to share with you my life, my feelings, my hopes and my experiences in times of joy and times of trouble.

I promise to give you the best of myself and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to respect you as an individual with your own interests, desires and needs and to realize that those are sometimes different -but no less important- than my own.

I promise to provide for and support you, in the hope that you will become all that you can be.

I promise to keep myself open to you, to talk and to listen.

I promise to bring joy, strength and imagination into our relationship.

And finally I promise to grow along with you through all the changes in our lives. I have chosen you above all others, and that is the only evidence there can be that I love you.

(posted by sastoen@lamar.ColoState.EDU)
I, bride/groom, take you groom/bride to be my husband/wife. And these things I promise you:
I will be faithful to you with my whole life,
I will be honest with you,
I will respect, trust, help and care for you,
I will share my life with you,
I will forgive and strengthen you,
and I will try with you better to understand ourselves, the world, and God, through the best and worst of what is to come Forever, and a month.